To Rotan or Not To Rotan: Traditional vs. Modern Parenting

Early Childhood Lecturer Ms Azura Abrasid from Veritas University College talks about traditional and modern parenting.

By Ruth Suseela — October 23, 2024 @ 12.00 am

A 17- year old schoolboy being caned by the discipline teacher- FMT Reporter

CANING: Acceptable or Necessary? Disciplinary methods like caning(rotan) and other authoritarian tactics have come under scrutiny,and are shifting towards a softer, more positive parenting approach especially among millennials.

Physical discipline was common among Baby Boomers and Gen X up to the early 2000s.

In my childhood I remember the days of being rotan in school and at home even facing other consequences. In my point of view it definitely shaped me for the better in my childhood in some ways. 

Ms Azura is an Early Childhood lecturer in Veritas University College in Petaling Jaya. -Ruth Suseela.

As Malaysians what style of parenting do we lean towards?

For now, most parents are ambitious. I see a pattern before the COVID-19 pandemic where most Malaysian parents were being “helicopter parents” who are overprotective of their children.

But lately, I saw a lot of them are turning into mindful parenting in which they are quite relaxed in dealing with their child and there is a bit of a negative side to it.  As there are different stages of where parents are spoiling their children this is due to the time constraint or  spending less time with their children. 

Some parents would think they didn't have certain things when they were a child so most of them would give in to what their child wants as they grow up and turn into something memorable for their child. Sometimes the child doesn't need it but parents feel like the child does.

Could you give a brief explanation on “helicopter parenting”?

It means overprotective parents that will behave somewhat similar to how helicopters are overseeing things in a way not exactly  following their children but needing to know where they go, what they think of basically needing to know everything about their child.

Would you agree that responsive parenting is effective to teach children what is right and wrong?

Yes, responsive parenting might be tied to what is mindful parenting of what is right and wrong. However, I believe everyone needs to realize that children nowadays are not like how the generations before us grew up. 

Nowadays children have access to almost any resource they need like having the internet to reach out about anything without having to ask parents. I think the best way of parenting right now is to explain to your kids what is right and wrong and give trust to your children. 

You need to trust your child that whatever is your choice is the best for you. It's somewhat not telling them but the core element in  belief, religion, it has to be strengthened in the children itself based on that they have to decide for  themselves on what is right and wrong.

Do you think giving kids too much trust avert them?   

The core of your belief , view of life and religion has to be strong in being able to trust the kids because parents don't want their kids to come back saying that i did this because of you so it has to have a balanced relationship. 

Telling the kids I trust that if something goes wrong they can come back to their parents for help. It's better to say this is your decision and this is the positive and negative outcome. 

Do you agree that using a rotan to discipline a child is effective and is there a right way to rotan a child?

Children are different now; they may not be scared of rotan. It's like saying a fall is more painful than a rotan but i dont think it's the right way. It worked traditionally but not for the children now. 

Because children, called naughty or not, just want attention or love and if you know how to recognise it you can build a relationship and be able  to tame the naughtiest child to be calm and collected. 

Ms Azura during one of her lectures. -Azura Abrasid

How do modern parenting approaches compare with traditional ones in terms of discipline, and do you think modern methods are more effective at guiding children's behavior?

It could be parents needing to put themselves in their child's point of view because they often find their own resources and they start to come up with ideas. 

Like even children at 4 years old know how to use Youtube to learn things. How parents should teach their children is to guide  rather than just disciplining them. 

What is your take on children taking advantage of parents' trust?

When parents give trust or when some spoil their kids there are some factors that happen when this kind of parenting happens. Parents feel guilty by not spending enough time with the children ending up having blind trust in them. 

In most cases only to have the child betraying the trust due to the lack of constraint or leniency where parents become so relaxed in the kids doing anything. 

There is a difference between spoiling and being stern with the children. Depending on the age, be strict enough and not use harsh methods like raising the voice but more to explaining things.

What is the approach for  parenting  kids or teenagers? If you get parenting the children right in the beginning then the teenage years won't be so hard.  An approach like rotan or shouting may lead to the kids rebelling in their teenage years. If you are a good listener and understand why your kids are behaving this way like running everywhere because it's out of curiosity they want to know things.

But if you mold the child the right way through explaining stuff whether it's about good or bad behavior  in the start it won't be as hard to deal with situations when they enter their teenage years.

What is your opinion on children being rotan and turning out fine?

In a classroom one teacher rotan the child and parents do reports on it. On the other hand you have  another child that is being rotan at home. Based on these two situations the child would think to report their parents because seeing other parents do it from watching  the news. 

Things happen nowadays and children have bright minds these days to view things differently due to their knowledge, resources and awareness. 

Back in the olden days children would listen to their parents but even with the rotan the generation now the rotan wont work. If you rotan the child now they may or may not hit you back.   

Is the use of rotan moderate or should be totally avoided? Why?

Rotan should be avoided as it causes more than pain the child would feel. It's not only physical but it could cause trauma in terms of i don't want to do this because of this.  The parents should realize that children are a human themselves and a different person not like them. 

Parents may mistake their children to be trained like how they were brought up with the use of rotan. Parents need to understand the child is not the same as them, what worked for the parents those  days may not work the same way now for the child's upbringing.

Coming back to the point of is it okay to cane(rotan) your child, the evolution of discipline makes it clear that previous generations approach practices like caning may have shaped them but in today's world parents would lean towards fostering understanding and compassion. 

As Ms Azura mentioned, it's important to find a balance that emphasizes accountability while nurturing  a supportive environment for children. 

In reflection to what we have talked about there is no need for  the cane(rotan) if the child is raised in the right way which  also depends on the household parenting tactics.